Okay, maybe the title of this post should be "Mostly Back on Track" but hey, I'm going for it.
This week I took a major leap: my husband and I started a paleo-inspired, low-carb diet. I know - I'm not into depravation, and I really like to eat. Trust me, I'm not going cold-turkey - I still have dark chocolate in my pantry and I expect to enjoy a nice dinner out from time to time. But today and for the foreseeable future it's goodbye, processed food, bread, dairy, and dessert and hello meat, vegetables, and more meat.
I knew it was time to take the diet plunge the first time I realized that I was afraid to step on the scale. Like I literally avoided it because I knew I would be so demoralized by the number I saw there. Also, I've spent the last month complaining to my husband that I'm a fatty and then stuffing my face with delicious baked treats, so there's that, too. It was time to put my money where my mouth is, rather than just putting chocolate where my mouth is.
The other motivation behind deciding to do this diet is that I've never actually done a diet before. I mean, I did my paleo eating experiment, but the goal wasn't really to lose weight. This time the goal is to lose weight, and it's really important to me that I prove to myself that I'm capable of being successful. I'm going to weigh myself once a week and I even bought one of those seamstress's tape measures so I can track whether I lose inches off my waist. I realize I'm achieving nerd status with my goals and measurements, but I figure shooting for something specific is a necessary component to a successful diet/exercise plan - otherwise, it can seem like you're going to have to deprive yourself forever. I want to know when I can stop!
Most of all, I want to feel like my healthy, fit self again. For the past couple months I've been overindulging in great meals and underperforming on going to the gym, so I think it's about time I switched the priority of those two pastimes.
I started this little adventure on Monday, so how's it going so far, you ask? Well, it's been really hard. In fact, I'm surprised I managed to make it through Tuesday without caving. I thought Monday was bad (I was seeing mirages of cupcakes in the afternoon, I swear), but then Tuesday morning I woke up at 5:15AM with a migraine-status headache. I had to scrap going to the gym in favor of laying in bed, praying that I wouldn't throw up. Luckily, some medicine cleared the headache up quick, but then my workday was pretty crazy starting at 7:30AM and ending around 7:30PM. I ended up eating lunch at 3:00, and although my stressed-out brain was begging me to go get a cheese sandwich, I somehow forced myself into Chipotle where it's easy to get a no rice, no beans, meat and vegetable extravaganza. Work, stress, and physical pain are three of the major excuses I use to "treat myself" and eat what I want, so I figure if I can stick to my diet plan on a day like yesterday, I can make it through any day. Right?
Right. This is happening, and you guys will hold me accountable. If any of you are hoping to clean up your eating act, let me know - I'm always in favor of the buddy system to keep yourself honest!
On this day, as on all other days, I turn to books to make it all make sense. Today, the book on my mind is Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann. Read it for the tragedy, read it for the good.